Too often I find myself focused on where I am instead of where I’ve been or even necessarily where I’m going. I don’t get the reasoning of being fixated on where you can be. Sure, the aspirations and ambitions of the future are worthy of being heralded but the idea of holding such esteem on something that hasn’t arrived yet honestly baffles me.
If anything about the past few months has been asserted to me it’s that where I’m going is continually evolving and ever has a consistent face. At times, it’s very dissuading and tumultuous. Conversely, it’s also very refreshing and provides a sense of renewal and hope for the future. It’s all of the events in between that shape the path that I am to take.
It’s been a very interesting trip, to say the least. I’ve made stops in places I care to never visit again as well as been to places that I’d give almost anything to stay in. As cliche as it all sounds, it feels like I’m on a tour of sorts. The way I conceptualize my existence to this date has made a shift to be more indicative of this. However, the need to continue to be “on tour” so to speak never really has driven me like it has. I’ve always seen the journey to be taxing and I have always felt the need to be home more than I needed to be anywhere but here. I always believed that home is where the heart is and I’ve also believed it to be stationary. This is, much to my amazement, definitely not the case.
One of the lessons I’ve learned is that as much as we may or may not travel to the places of the world, we are always on the move. We move within the boundaries of our own lives and in the boundaries of others. The irony of it all is that we feel compelled to travel across the world but not within the bellows of our own existence or others.
I’ve taken the most joy in not going to places, wherever those may be but in being allowed inside the walls of new people and experiencing their existence from their point of view. To me, that’s what my journey has been all about. I haven’t felt more energized about anything else and as more opportunities arise for me to pursue this, I can honestly say that there is an increasing amount of hope in the future I’ve envisioned for myself.
Furthermore, as I continue to learn to see old places (faces) with new eyes instead of seeing new places with my old ones, my hope is to be allowed into and welcomed all the new towns I stop in along the way.
It’s been pure joy share in the joys, pains, tragedies, triumphs, and all the life moments in the middle in all the “towns” I’ve been welcomed into along the way… and I hope for the same in the 10,000 more I haven’t.
And I’ve never been happier to not be at home.