Under normal circumstances, I would put some effort into how I would phrase all of this. However, in my best Stephen A. Smith voice, I would say, “I don’t give a damn.” Too many times do people, and I must say I’ve had it happen to me, get a proverbial shot in the face by the “love gun.” So, it will be a great joy to deal some reciprocity. Especially to those who use the word without restraint or competence.
I have severe fundamental issues with the word “love” and everybody who uses it. For the most part, it is used to elaborate upon a degree in which we value something. We “love” ice cream. We “love” football. We “love” pornography. We “love” Jesus. We “love” this thing or that thing. The harsh reality is that we don’t love any of those things. We are incapable of it because we use the word as a measure in which the degree of our intent is. If we “love” ice cream, we will prioritize it as our preferred desert. If we “love” football, it will take precedence over other responsibilities. If we “love” pornography, it offers stimulation where our spouse falls short. If we “love” Jesus, it is the religion we practice above anything else. Are you getting the idea here? We use the word as a way to define the value in context. In other words, we use the word as a way to either define how much better we regard the thing that is spoken above something else.
Because of that, we use it as a method to manipulate others into situations that will ultimately call us out on what we choose to favor. Abuse victims will tend to use this as a means to intervene and use the line, “If you really love it, you’ll [insert action here.]” It’s actually kind of sad…
People who don’t like ice cream get the cold shoulder against the people who do.
People who don’t like football get hung out to dry in favor of people who do.
People who watch pornography find people who share in it.
People who are receptive to Jesus won’t abide in people who don’t.
The default reaction is why I have come to believe that there really isn’t such a thing as love because of a compulsion to quantify their desire instead of simply acknowledging that it is there. We have to be able to determine how much or how little of something we have instead of just being able to have it. That’s the sad fucking truth about existence. We invest so much in something so frivolous and ultimately irrelevant simply because we MUST be in possession of gross quantity. We have to have the best or be the best. We have to have the most of something. It’s all ridiculous and utterly disgusting, to be honest. Not because of how greedy it makes us seem or how we justify that greed by placing it in something honorable or something worth having… but because of just having the impulse that makes it seem necessary and it being a motive to go to any length to abide in that impulse. It only serves that we must identify as something “more or less” instead of identifying it as “different.” As we all know, we tend to diminish the relevance of what is different because it is threatening to us.
Much to the chagrin of those set in their ways, what is different can and often does render the “here and now” moot and unnecessary.
Addicts may have different priorities and methods but they have the same goals as those who don’t. How they choose to pursue those goals isn’t indicative of their worth and talent and the need to subvert them on those grounds is pejorative. It’s degrading and just furthers that impulse to assign a value to something. No matter how much we try and spin it so we can keep with our own standards…
The boots on the ground tell a different story.
The facts are simply this. Humanity isn’t capable of love. Personally, I don’t think the word “love” should be used like it is. The word itself is a clever euphemism for just how much we need to define our need to articulate the degree in which we do something. The word doesn’t change the notion that we possess a desire or compulsion to do those things. As long as this is the case, there won’t be an environment conducive to the need to accurately articulate feelings. Simply because of quantity and quality playing such a huge role for us, there’s an inherent and subjective desire to describe them in those terms.
Addicts can be addicted like those who share their compulsions. The belief that they may or may not be happy is exactly why I’m making the point that “love” as we utilize and understand it, is impossible. Humanity is simply incapable of articulating desire and intent without quantifying it. So, what makes an addict’s “love” less than someone who isn’t an addict? Simply put, the criteria we use would make the addict’s possession insufficient compared to the nonaddict. Is the picture coming into focus? Is your knob set to “receive” yet? We can’t “love” something or someone if the reality of its existence is predicated upon how much we value it compared to our own arbitrary standard. That, in itself, is prejudice and cannot produce favorably.
“Love” isn’t being lavish with affection or loyalty. It isn’t the measure of our commitment or engagement. It isn’t a tool to manipulate and coerce. “Love” is an expression coined by man to articulate our need to exist quantitatively and to appease deities whose desire for it is insatiable.
The sad thing is the saying “love is blind” is a testament to the idea that it just has to be. It requires an absence of calculated intent or desire. It simply requires that intent or desire be present. It cannot see how much or how little of anything that exists simply because it lacks measure.
Do you want to cherish your spouse? Be there for them. It isn’t a matter of how much you cherish them. You just have to have that desire.
Do you want to live the rest of your life with your spouse? Don’t wander from them. It isn’t a matter of how much life you want to spend with them. Time is finite. Your commitment to that time can’t be.
Do you appreciate something? Do so with honor. Enjoy having it. Its place with you isn’t based on how much you appreciate it. Its place lies with knowing that you are capable.
So, anybody who will dare say they “love” anything is embellishing. I simply think they don’t know what it is. It’s hard to place value on something you haven’t experienced nor can you see something that hasn’t seen you.
And all this is completely absent from what The Bible says about “love.” It doesn’t even say what “love” is. All it does is elaborates on the characteristics of love. Don’t get me started on God/Jesus. They both do the same thing. They aren’t “love.” They are indicative of the characteristics of “love.” Even then, they are very much so biased towards those who mimic those characteristics to any “honorable” level. In which case, “honorable” is subject to who defines what it is. But, that’s a different topic for another day…
The bottom line is this: No soul, anywhere at any point, will know what “love” is. So, for the sake of what it actually means, don’t use it. If you adore something, say you adore it. Saying you love it undermines the emotion behind it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Articulate the feeling and intent. I think, as a society, we are at a point where we can do that simply because we aren’t intellectually challenged. Being intellectually lazy is a whole other discussion on its own.
Have intent. Have desire.
How much of it is irrelevant.
If possessed, it will perpetuate. It will not grow or diminish. It will evolve as the situation evolves…
In spite of our own best intentions.