You, Damn Kid…

So, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the future lately.  In less than two months, I will be 32.  No wife, no children, and probably the worst thing about it is being that I have no idea when, or even if, those things are in the cards for me.  The thought of getting old is a very real and intimidating realization and to be quite honest, it isn’t one that I can realistically come to terms with and be happy.

Everyone ages.  Not everyone does so gracefully.  Not everyone is susceptible to the ravages that will inevitably come with it.  I’m not necessarily concerned with how I age; however, what I am concerned with is more with what I would lose because of it.  It’s safe to say that we all will lose our faculties or talents at some point.  Whether it be our mental faculties, physical talents, or what have you.  I can live with that, or live with knowing that their absence is beyond my perceptive ability… hint… hint… Alzheimer’s Disease… please, leave me be…

But, the one thing I don’t think I could live without is knowing that the one thing that drove me to action… the thing that inspired hope and liberated me to pursue things in spite of anything that said to me… that child that we all were at one point… the one that thought a blanket and a box made a spaceship or that a mask and a cape made us a larger than life superhero… if that person were to disappear over time, I’d die as a shell of the person I could have been.  What’s worse is knowing that over that time, I had a chance to do something about it…

I don’t feel like that child has left me… well, not yet anyway.  Or, if he had gone away, he decided to come back because there was a time where he was gone and I had no idea what to do or where to go.  I can admit that for a while there, I was lost and you could probably go as far as say that I was dead.  Maybe not in a physical sense; but, in every other sense of the word.  There was no drive, ambition, or will to continue.  There was no reason.

As far as the image goes, it is from the lyric music video to “Something Just Like This” by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay.  On a tangent, it is an excellent song and I’d recommend it to anyone.  It’s a great listen especially if you’re the type to appreciate the message but I digress…

But, what it represents is that kid we all carry with us.  As we get older, we feel like this child becomes such a burden.  As we get older, the mandate that it carries will supersede all of the things that we wish that kid could accomplish.  We feel that being older means being more responsible with ourselves.  Whether that be in our social, professional, or family lives or even in how we pursue our interests in those arenas.  Sure, I can agree with the concept that the older we get, our temperament is adjusted to reflect the experience that time spent grants us.  But, as I’ve come to really understand what it means to really “grow old,” so to speak, is that how we articulate the passage of time is merely a human construct.  Sure, I’m 31 years old and I believe that I am old.  There are people that are older than me… but, man I tell ya… there are in an age that defies the term “prime of their lives.”  How, I can’t say for sure but I can say this:  Getting older does not mean that their child grew old with them.  Collectively, they are as youthful as they had ever been and they fought Father Time like hell and got him to walk away because they were able to demonstrate that no matter what, there was nothing he could do to make that child succumb to the ravages of “growing old.”

When I realized that being youthful was less of a talent and more of a partnership, I began to really appreciate why that song sticks with me like it does.  If you’ve listened to the song and you understand the message, great… I’d love for anyone who reads this to share their insights with me.  But, the message to me extends beyond the apparent and into the obscure.  To me, it is a little tune and an echo… but that little tune and an echo is what brings that child to life.  Or, what brings Life period…

Maybe the future isn’t such a terrible and terrifying place after all.  Being 32 with no wife and no child is one thing.  But, being 32 with no wife, no child, and no youth to keep me honest… I’m not sure I could look at life as something worth doing because I feel like that kid of mine is awake and shaking his head and wondering to himself, “What happened, Kev?”

Instead, maybe it is more about how long I can keep that kid dreaming and wondering, “What adventure are you going to go on next, Kev?  What can I dream up for you this time?”

I don’t know, buddy.  You were always the type to turn something so Parisian into something more… tangible.

“Well, you got time, Kev.  And, you got me.  You haven’t let me down yet.  You have gone astray but you haven’t let me down.”

Maybe so… maybe not.  But hey, who honestly knows?  Maybe I’m dreaming of him or he is dreaming of me and how one day I’ll make it to Paris.

At least that kid is dug in like an Alabama tick…


P.S:  “Paris” is a good song too.  Just saying…


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