Day Thirteen

“You’re no different than anyone else.  We all have our darker side.  We need it!  It’s half of what we are.  It’s not really ugly.  It’s human.”

-DeForest Kelley as Doctor Leonard McCoy

 

            Part of not honestly caring about what other people think is the notion is that what they think doesn’t matter.  Actually, it does matter what they think.  You wouldn’t have an idea of who you are if you didn’t have something to contrast against.

 

            We all think that our sense of uniqueness and our individuality offers us a sense of identity.  It’s true that it does; however, it’s been demonstrated through personal experience that they aren’t the only things that do.  We also have to recognize that other people have talents as well.  Some of which identify our own talents and can offer clues to who we are and potentially to who we may become.

 

            It’s scary at first because we squirm at the idea of being defined by another.  I’d hope that nobody likes being told who to be.  Sure, we get it all the time from our parents.  We get it from our teachers to a degree.  However, it’s only half of our battle to find out just really what we’re made of.

 

            Personally, I’ve found that finding your identity comes down to two things:  Things you’re taught to do and things that come naturally.  Now, whatever you attribute to “nature” being what it is, it serves a purpose.  You have it for a reason and it’s always with you.  It’s a part of you.  For me, it’s a love of cars, science, and sports.  I suppose you can call them natural gifts.  Perhaps they are or perhaps they’re keys to a much larger puzzle.  But, whatever yours may be, they will always stay with you no matter how far you stray from them.  No matter how hard you try to get rid of them, as well.

 

            We all learn things, right?  Well, we call them “acquired tastes” or “vocational skills” along with anything else we may have heard.  Mine personally are writing and logistics.  Weird, I know.  But, they are what they are.  I’m full of many enigmas.  I hate math but I love numbers.  I enjoy writing but hate reading.  Feel free to ask me why.  It is what it is and I don’t dare screw with it.

 

            But, in the midst of all that is natural and all that is acquired lies what really belongs.  It’s a process that still continues.  However, on a personal level, I feel like I’ve come to a position that allows me to utilize both things serviceably.  Emotion and logic… well, usage of these things is a skill like everything else.  Both have their place and I tend to lean on logic a lot more than I do emotion.  Both of them are governing bodies over all of the conditioning or training that you’ve received and your inherent nature.  However, the need for both of them will always be present and they both offer insight into how to utilize all of the skills and interest that are intrinsic to helping give definition into who you really are.  As well as appreciate all of the natural gifts that you have been graced with.

 

            It really is a battle trying to make peace with who you are and who you want to be.  It is an essential part of the human element.  It’s what makes us who we are.  We, as people, are very inquisitive.  We ask questions and try to seek answers to those questions.  We can’t have one without the other and the drive to balance them is overwhelming.  As I spent more time trying to honestly figure out what my deal was going to be, I found that balance offers unique insight into that.  Maybe not necessarily being well-rounded or even well-versed, but just being able to find the right answers.  I’ll admit that answers aren’t always forthcoming or clear, but they are there.

 

            I can also admit that the right answers don’t always come.  I’ve had to find contentment in getting a number of wrong answers.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.  We don’t always get the right answers.  Most times, the wrong answers do the job as well because we’re not always in a position to give the right answers.  There’s always a third option, right?

 

            Seeking balance has always been the objective.  There’s a difference between getting the right answer and getting the proper answer.  I’m fairly confident that we’ve heard “What’s right isn’t always what’s best.”  I agree with it.  Even as a Christian, I agree.  Mainly because Jesus doesn’t ever really answer questions directly.  I believe it to be the right thing to just come out and give a direct answer.  However, you don’t learn anything if you just get it handed to you, now do you?

 

            It’s part of our humanity to want that directness.  I’m not saying that we should ignore that need.  Even if that need has led to many dark and uncompassionate periods in our history both on an individual and cultural level.  It is; however, the journey that we take to resolve the need to use our training and tact along with our natural intuition and intrinsic ability to find these answers.

 

            Not only to find out just who we are as individuals but perhaps maybe our place in the universe.  As much sleep as we lose at night or as many headaches we get, I’d like to think that the growing pains would make such a revelation worth it.  I’ve sure as hell had my fill of them.

 

            Headaches aren’t always pretty or pleasant.  However, we need them.  I never met anyone or anything that didn’t give me one.  As much as I’d rather not have to suffer through or endure one for a prolonged amount of time, I’m a lot better for learning how to do so constructively.  I guess being miserable has its perks, eh?

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