Through Ten

“I know from the history of my own planet that change is difficult.  New ideas are greeted with skepticism, even fear.  But, sometimes those ideas are accepted and when they are progress is made.  Eyes are opened.”

-Robert Beltran as Commander Chakotay

 

            The first ten days really was just about taking risks and challenging the idea that boundaries aren’t meant to be broken or surpassed.  For someone who has allowed the risk of failure to be a prime motivator in much of my life-altering decisions, it’s unfathomably difficult to sit here and talk about it.  Personally, I didn’t believe I would make it to this point.  I was content with just journaling over thirty days and making a lengthy summary instead of getting into my day-to-day revelations and sharing those.  It seemed rather redundant to me; however, as I started to refine the whole idea, I began to see the deeper meaning in it.

 

            Every day is a battle in itself.  Especially when you’re trying something new or trying to find the semblance of completion.  It’s hard enough to admit that something needs to be different.  It’s even more difficult to sit with yourself and give an objective examination.  But, I’ll give myself credit where it’s due:  The basic thirty days/thirty quote challenge was completed.

 

            I will say that I didn’t believe it would come this far.  It was hard for me to commit to just investing a little time each day documenting a fictitious quote, examining it, and trying to find meaning in its relevance towards my life.  It sounds pretty tedious on its own even when they’re “reality” much less made by a fictional character in a television series.  But, as I progressed through it, I found it to actually be fun.  Not so much finding the material but spending some time with myself and seeing where everything fit.  Not everybody does that, however.  Mainly because looking at yourself requires some level of objectivity.  They’ll want to think that everyone else is the problem and that there isn’t anything wrong with them.  That’s bogus.  Everybody on this planet can stand to grow up some, mature, and be able to constructively critique themselves.  I’ve never said that this process was easy or even fun.  It’ll be enlightening, that’s for sure.  It’ll be humbling, most definitely.  But, fun?  Nope.

 

            However, it is necessary.  I can’t attest to where you are in your personal growth.  All I can say here is that change is essential.  I’ve said it so many times before and I can’t emphasize how important it is.  Change is imperative because recognizing the need to make a change facilitates so many things you may not have considered before.  Some of those things may be intimidating and some of those things may seem so small and insignificant.  However, all of those things serve a purpose and will help you arrive at a place where you can make the decision.  For me, I wasn’t ever at a place where I could until I sat down with myself (and consequently a council of my closest friends and influences) and just hashed out a way to do it.

 

            It’s been my personal experience that most people don’t take risks or make changes because they don’t have the skill or opportunity.  I’ll buy that.  We all have talents, there’s no disputing that.  I just don’t believe that most people have the confidence required to take advantage of them.  Talents are skills just like everything else and they take constant attention and consistent refinement to allow them to serve us.  Writing is a hobby, not a career for me.  But, I felt comfortable enough with my skills to let this be a creative avenue.  Whether or not it’s just for my benefit or for the entire world to see would be beside the point.  With the point being that I saw this challenge through.

 

            I won’t say that there won’t be setbacks.  There was a ten day period where I didn’t even look at my notebook.  I didn’t want to finish.  It got to be a big pain in the ass.  I’ll admit it.  I wanted to breach my commitment.  I wanted to break my promise.  I’ll say that I don’t make promises easily.  Mainly because I’m not perfect.  I’ll screw up.  I’ll fall short.  I’ll try and I’ll fail.  But, part of the first ten days was a testament to that.  There were times when I didn’t want to do it.  There were days when I couldn’t even look at myself; but, I got up and I made up for it.  I sucked up my own disgust and marched forward with it.  To me, that may have been the hardest part.  Waking up and making a decision… making a statement and not letting why I shouldn’t finish outweigh the meaning in why I should.

 

            I’m not going to tell you how to feel about all of this.  This whole section may not mean anything to you or it may mean everything.  The general idea was to share the trials and tribulations that it brought me just getting here and hope that insight into how I handled each hurdle gives you some insight on how you can address yours.

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